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BRAS ON 45
A song about a lady with bloomin' great, huge, enormous, immense, colossal, massive breasts. For some reason or other, it's quite popular in America, where the legendary Dr. Demento features it on his radio show. Here are the words of BOTH versions of “Bras on 45��?
This is as they appear on DEAD BADGER RECORDS - BOP 6T. There was a “DIRTY GERTIE VERSION��? which was 7 minutes of disco filth on a 12��? 45rpm single. On the B side was the 7��? single version of “BRAS ON 45��? subtitled the “FAMILY VERSION��? which was exactly the same, but FADED 3 MINUTES EARLIER.
Writers... Biggun/ Dury/ Jankel/ Numan/ Tudorpole/ G.McPherson/ C.J.Foreman/ L.Simmons/ R.Wilson/ C. Wilson/ R. Wilson/ R. Taylor
(Dury is Ian Dury, Jankel is Chas Jankel, Numan is Gary Numan, Tudorpole is Edward Tudorpole of “Tenpole Tudor��?, I think that McPherson & Foreman are members of “Madness��? and I haven’t a clue who the Wilsons are, apart from the fact that they probably aren’t Beach Boys. R Taylor isn’t, as far as I know, the bloke out of “Queen��?, and is another mystery to me.)
Bra Size Forty Five
Bra Size Forty Five
Well I went out for a Boogie
A week ago last Tuesday
I was doing the Wigan Hustle and the Palais Glide
I met a girl in pink suspenders
And her buz-whams were stupendous
Like two bald-headed men sitting side by side
She wore a BRA SIZE 45 and she could jump and Jive
And when she stopped dancing, bits of her kept wobbling about
She said “You Drive Me Crazy
Burn Some Rubber On Me Baby��?
She grabbed my little whistle and she began to shout
(Parody of “Hit me with your Rhythm stick��?)
Hit me with your rhythm stick! Hit me! Hit Me!
Je t’adore. Ich leibe dich. Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Hit me with your rhythm stick!
I’m six feet tall and five feet thick
Hit me! Hit me! Hit me!
Bra Size Forty Five
Bra Size Forty Five
I couldn’t do nothing but stand and stare
She gave me a hug like a grizzly bear
I couldn’t see much I thought I was dead
I had boobs upside my head
(Short quote from Ooops Upside My head)
Boobs upside my head
Boobs upside my head
(Parody of “Baggy Trousers��? by Madness)
Oh what a front she had
Enough for me, my brother and dad
A chest of drawers no doubt
One with the top drawer half-pulled-out
Oh what a front she’d got
Believe me son she’d got the lot
Right before my eyes
And she was bra size forty five
Er...excuse me, what do I do now?
“Man be cool..gotta get down and have a rap.��?
I beg yer pardon? I think I’ll do a talking bit instead!
She was the big economy size, her buz-whams were gigantic
Like two fat little boys wrestling under a blanket
The flickering strobes lit up the globes that thrust from her pullover
I think her name was June ‘cause she was Bustin’ Out All Over.
She said “Can You Feel The Force? D’y’wanna take One Step Beyond?��?
I said “Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Fire, there’s a Whole Lot Of Shaking Going On!
She said “Knock On Wood, I’ll Blame It On The Boogie now what do you think about that?��?
I said “Oooh heck! It Must Be Jelly ‘cause Jam Don’t Shake Like That��?
Not so much of the Night Fever, more like a belt with a tyre lever
She was not at all pendulous, in fact she was tremendulous!
Bra Size Forty Five
Bra Size Forty-five
Bra Size Forty Five
Bra Size Forty-five
She wore a bra size forty five
And when they played “I Will Survive��?
She went crackers, and her animal desires became much keener
She said “John I’m Only Dancing, but I’d rather be romancing��?
She had me Inside Out And Upside Down in the back of my Cortina*
Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick
(Parody of “CARS��? by Gary Numan)
And there in my car, the windows all steamed up
I thought I would drown, she let it all hang out in Bras
Size Forty Five
And there in my car, I thought “This Is It!��?
An Instant Replay, My foot out the window in Bras
Size Forty Five
(Direct quote from “Swords Of A Thousand Men��? by Tenpole Tudor)
Hoorah hoorah hoorah hey over the hills and now I’m on My way!
(I got out my tentpole and chewed ‘er)
Hoorah hoorah hoorah hey over the hills and now I’m on My way!
(Come on, let’s do the Bristol Stomp)
She wore a Bra Size Forty Five
I thought I never would revive
When I tackled that young lady with the bounciest of blouses
But she left me for a geezer
Who had much more chance to please ‘er
With his own Master Blaster and a pair of Baggy Trousers.
Oh what fun they had!
Bra Size Forty Five
Bra Size Forty-five
Bra Size Forty Five
Bra Size Forty-five
(NOTE! This is where the “FAMILY VERSION��? fades out. Extended “DIRTY GERTIE VERSION��? continues as follows:-)
And that’s why, And that’s why, And that’s why, and that’s why
(“The Winker’s Song��?)
I’m a W*nker, I’m a W*nker
And it does me good like it bl**dy well should
I’m a W*nker, I’m a W*nker
And I’m always pulling my pud
I’m a W*nker, I’m a W*nker
And it does me good like it bl**dy well should
I’m a W*nker, I’m a W*nker
And I’m always pulling my pud'
Thanks for the mammary, I think I’ve got it sussed
You’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em both. I’m gonna go for bust.
Don’t they make a lovely pair? They look like a couple of Himalayas.
Double top, boogie on down, Bristol is my favourite town
Everybody understands, arthritis in both hands
She’s a disco bumper, she’s got a lumpy jumper
Cross your heart and hope to die, please don’t poke me in the eye
I know a girl from Potter’s Bar got eaten by her living bra
I said “Baby, oh baby. Surround me. Drown me.
Engulf me! Chew me up and spit me out.
Let me shipwreck against those white cliffs of Dover.
Get Back Leroy! Get Back Leroy! I wanna be Mr In-Between. Oooh wah! She was a Bra Size Forty Five. Have you ever seen anything like that? Come on let’s do The Bristol Stomp. Ooh! Hrbbbllerrllrl!
Y’know when you see things like that, you just wanna walk up to’em,
and stick your head between ‘em and go hbrbrbrbbrbrlrlblblblb.
Whoo! Bra Size Forty Five! What a stupendous lady!
You don’t get many of those to the pound!
Oooh! Kick ‘em over your shoulders!
Double top, boogie on down, Bristol is my favourite town!
Great Balls Of Fire! There’s a Whole Lot Of Shaking Going On!
It Must Be Jelly ‘Cos Jam Don’t Shake Like That! Ooh!
Look! There’s a lady police officer! Can You Feel The Force? (Fade)
*note for American Biggun Fans. A Cortina was a particularly down-market large British car
Performed by Ivor Biggun and The D-Cups
Lyrics reprinted by permission of the publishers
'Family Version' available on the CD album The Fruity Bits of Ivor Biggun
'Dirty Gertie Version' available on the CD album More Fruity Bits - The Rest of Ivor Biggun
Original version released on a vinyl Single
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